Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
