You're completely useless in the revolution.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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