a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
