I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
