chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize