The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
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