I must be too annoying 4 u.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize