Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
