i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
