some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
