When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
