sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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