She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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