Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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