Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
