he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
