i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
