your thong is hanging out like whoa
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
