you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
