I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
