dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize