I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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