Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
