I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
