I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
