wrigley field is MILF paradise
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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