Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
