Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
