you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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