Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
last night I used snow as a chaser
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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