i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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