Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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