If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
