How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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