She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
