Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
