You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
