there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize