Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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