What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
