Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
