if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
