Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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