I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
