i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
