Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pants are for mortals
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