Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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