Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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