Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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