and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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