fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
