Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you didnt know i had herpes?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
