I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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