this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
