hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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