meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
