The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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