So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
