Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
