True but thats because hes a fetus.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He passed out mid-signature
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
