Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
