so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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